Cheese, Hard Drugs and Crossdressing

Hey kids. Sniffing cheese. It's not big and it's not clever...

As a cheese lover I was quite interested to see a piece of research floating around the internet claiming that cheese was actually shown to stimulate the same areas of the brain as hard drugs. It was widely reported in the mainstream press but in case you missed it here's the report from The Independent. What the various reports didn't suggest was that cheese was actually capable of giving you a high, although various headlines referencing hard drugs, crack cocaine and the like were obviously titillating along those lines. And of course the comments sections were full of 'mainlining brie', 'high on Stinking Bishop' sort of remarks. So who am I to spurn the opportunity either? (see pic above) What actually seems to be suggested is that cheese, due to the concentration of elements in the milk used to make it, is high in a chemical that stimulates a specific part of the brain relating to addiction and cravings. This area particularly relates to fatty and sweet foods which were valuable and highly prized elements in our ancestors diets. In a time of food scarcity it were these foods that were particularly valuable so it makes sense that our bodies did their best to promote their consumption by flagging them up to us in some way. And craving and addiction should do it well enough, although some manifestations are a little odd. It's pretty well documented that pregnant women also have unusual and, thankfully, temporary food cravings and I'm pretty sure that one of the explanations I've heard is that this is also the body's way of getting just the right elements it needs for the growing baby. Although you'd hope there were viable alternatives to coal and soap sometimes. But what on earth has this to do with cross-dressing?

Well, if I'm being absolutely truthful, probably not a lot although I might make a very weak attempt to link it all up  

                                      All cheese-lovers are addicted to cheese. 
                                                  I am addicted to cheese.
                                                      I am a cross-dresser.
                                         All cross-dressers are cheese-lovers.
                                                            and maybe
                                         All cheese lovers are cross-dressers

but I don't think anyone is really going to buy into that one... rather what made me link the two was something that has been intriguing me with regard to my own and others cross-dressing. Namely how much of it might be down to an actual chemical addiction in the same way as alcohol, tobacco, drugs and, of course, cheese?

I've been wondering if my own patterns of behaviour are not really unlike that of, say, an

Sexy cheeseboard. No corset required.

alcoholic? I'm quite devious when it comes to my dressing and I'm used to hiding things; if I don't get to dress on a fairly frequent basis I can get very crotchety and irritable; when younger I would on occasion have a 'purge' and get rid of everything, only to fall back off the wagon later on; my real pleasure is in the anticipation and satisfying of my urge to dress rather than the actual dressing itself (once I'm dressed and done up there's not much more to do really); I spend way too much time thinking about dressing and the issues around dressing than I really should. Does that make me sound a bit like an addict? Of course what would be really fascinating would be to have one of those really useful infographics showing nebula-like clusters of brain activity of an alcoholic taking their first shot of the day; an artisanal cheese producer sniffing at their blue cheese rind and myself ratchetting the corset up one notch too far. Would that show or prove anything definitve? Probably not but I'm up for it if there are any Phd students looking for a project...

Those damned spots...

Well if cross-dressing did ever show any correlation to addiction I suppose that would provide ammunition for those who would be looking to 'medicalise' the whole thing so on the whole probably best let it lie. However, in the course of some random googling that I laughingly refer to as 'research', there was another interesting snippet that I came across. Now if cross-dressing as an addiction might be a little too much to take, I was intrigued to see several references to cross-dressing as a form of OCD or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (you know, the one we all associate with continual hand washing). A study from 2001 concluded "It is possible that some cases of transvestism are OCD-related while others are more related to a gender identity disorder." which I took to suggest that if you're transgender then probably not but if you're a transvestite probably yes. Bear in mind though that this research seems to have been carried out on a total of two (yes 2) individuals so I'm not really sure how much faith to put in it really. Another thing is that the NHS website defines OCD in terms of an 'An obsession - an unwanted and unpleasant thought, image or urge that repeatedly enters a person's mind, causing feelings of anxiety, disgust or unease. and a compulsion as a repetitive behaviour or mental act that someone feels they need to carry out to try to temporarily relieve the unpleasant feelings brought on by the obsessive thought. Well I can't really say that I find dressing makes me disgusted, and really I'm only anxious if I think I may be caught. And can I really say that dressing up now and then constitutes a repetative act to relieve these unpleasant feelings? Using these definitions I'm not sure I can.

A Sense of Perspective

Gratuitous meerkat in a dress pic. Had to be done...

Now I'd be the first to admit that I'm not the most confident and out there of cross-dressers. Not for me the defiant flick of the wig and a steely gaze, the 'tits out, shoulders back' stride or ability to travel on public transport as though I actually had a right to be there. Oh no indeed. In fact I'm happy to categorise myself as a 'timid trannie', a rouged meerkat constantly scanning the horizon for the least sign of disapproval, just about able to travel short distances from a safe bolt hole in a familiar and well-scouted environment.  Actually I'm sure this is a phase that most cross-dressers go through before gaining a bit more confidence but it seems to be my stage currently anyway.

Well, this week I was going to get dressed in Soho to then go along to the Odeon Covent Garden to see The Danish Girl. No big deal maybe as it's only a five minute walk away but, in a way, for me it was. This was the first time I'd be going somewhere truly public rather than a pub or bar in a bohemian part of town. Queuing up, settling myself down and watching a movie with a few hundred others, most of whom would have expected their men in frocks to have been safely on the screen rather than sitting in front of them in unfeasibly luxurious wigs. So I was a bit nervous really. Slightly apprehensive. A touch uneasy. 

And then I started to question what I was actually worried about and of course it was the usual. Being stared at. A sarky comment or two coming my way. A bit of innuendo maybe. Having someone trying to confront me or force a reaction. Some member of a group showing off possibly or having a bit of 'fun' or 'banter' at my expense. Being made to feel threatened or exposed, that sort of thing. 

Either wolf-whistling or sucking their knuckles...

Which is of course what my daughters and most other women experience practically every time they're out of an evening. My fears and concerns as a cross-dressing man are really not that different I suspect. Instead this time I'm not the safety net, going out to collect a rattled daughter after she's texted from a club. I'm actually going to be walking, if not a mile then at least five minutes, in someone else's shoes and if that prospect worried me at all or made me nervous then it seemed to me that it would be slightly hypocritical of me to consider myself particularly 'brave' in any meaningful sense of the word. Should I pat myself on the back for briefly experiencing something that my daughters have to put up with on a daily basis? Probably not...

Actually, the thought occurred to me that most wives/girlfriends/friends seem to feel a heightened sense of anxiety and protectiveness toward their cross-dressing partners when out dressed. Could it be down to their concerns that their partner won't know how to handle what they've grown up dealing with? Anecdotally many seem to adopt an almost bristling maternal attitude ready to snap at any perceived slight or comment so maybe they find themselves overcompensating for their partners potential vulnerability and inexperience.

All of this had been going through my head before getting I my car for the journey home from work. I turned on the radio just in time to hear a feature about the regular sexual harassment a young woman had experienced from the age of 13 - usually from middle aged men. Her mother had been shocked and dismayed to hear the length and extent of the comments and gestures that had been aimed at her daughter which, apart from being one of those interesting instances of synchronicity, certainly put my own concerns into perspective.