Beards, Bums and Ads

Maurice and his expertly applied 'crap' makeup!

There's been one of those little things bugging me for a while now. Not bugging me in a bad way, just a sort of niggly, occasional irritant when it pops up on the box (which it seems to do quite a lot at the moment) namely "What is it with cross dressing stubble in TV Adverts?"

It's one of those strange things that when you're engaged in a hobby or a pastime like cross dressing you become much more aware of it in the general course of daily lifeand it seems to me that you can't spend very long before you're very aware that the media is awash with the subject, whether it be documentaries, drama, music, art.... or advertising. Such a fascination for the subject must be indicative of something I suppose, but that strikes me as being a far bigger topic than my little 'shower thought' which is basically about the very manly issue of stubble!

Stubble has an interesting place in men's lives. It has both negative and positive connotations of course; negative when associated with sloth, idleness and decay (the man can't or is unwilling to take pride in his personal appearance), positive when of the 'designer' variety (the 'action man' whose life seems too full and who is too independent to follow the norms. But at the same time keeping his stubble in check and tidy, like some sort of urban wildflower gardner). 

But recently a subset of the 'negative' stubble seems to have been popping up quite a lot in television ads featuring cross dressing and it also seems to be a sub-set of that modern trope 'the stupid man'. In these adverts the cross dresser is usually overweight, usually on the dim-side of the spectrum and pretty much always resplendent with a degree of facial hair. Their choice of clothing usually left a bit to desire as well. The number of these characters popping up in adverts would suggest that they are quite an effective tool in the advertisers armoury so I thought I might try to pull a few of them together for a quick overview

 A good example of the genre would be Barbara & Maureen, the 'Bounty' kitchen paper ladies. 
They had a whole series of ads a few years back which seemed to focus on the competition between the two 'ladies' as they compared the relative cleaning properties of their paper kitchen towels. I can only think that the thought process amongst the ad executives went something along the lines of ... 

Nice outfits too!

"In the ad time available a straight competition between our towel and theirs is the most effective way of putting the message across."  - "But women aren't stupid - having two women compare kitchen towels is daft and unrealistic."  - "Hmmm... usually if we need something daft and unrealistic we'd have men do it. But for kitchen towels??" -  "True, having men give a toss about kitchen towel absorbency is unrealistic as well." - "Hang on, Blue Sky Thought time... what if we have two men do it dressed as women?" -  "Like it. Sort of idiot types who would obviously never normally use the stuff. Post Modern Irony Time? We can laugh at them whilst still absorbing the core message (see what I did there?)" - "Yes, but we have to be careful. We don't want regular guys in dresses. That might be a bit too creepy. They mustn't look as though they're enjoying dressing either. Crap dress-sense - I'm thinking 70s grannies with those floral pinnies and furry boots with zips they used to wear - No glamour either. To be on the safe side make them a bit plump. And for God's sake make sure there's plenty of stubble about. These guys definitely ain't gay, they're just slobs who've blundered into the wrong wardrobe and who were too stupid to realise it." -  "Duncan I salute you. Another winner! Time for a celebratory chablis methinks"

Pound to a penny that wasn't too far from the truth. Of course the added bonus is that it then becomes an inherently comic advert (men in dresses, what a hoot!) with the potential for a whole series of them as these guys/gals get into ever more implausible scrapes. All the time side-stepping why these (obvious) guys might be in pinnies in the first place!

The apparent success of this series seemed to set off what was almost an avalanche of badly dressed and hairy trannies all inhabiting this wonderful world of harmless cross dressing where facial hair immediately signifies a safe, non-sexual protagonist. Still rather dim and still rather self deluded. Hairiest of them all (and not just by a whisker either)  is 'Maurice' the BetVictor 'babe' who's found yet another way of buttonholing his betting mentor, this time as an implausible WAG at a football match. In fact WAGS come up again as an aspirational , presumably because their iconic 'ultra-femme' status. Here the joke basically comes down to the theme of "...quick, give me a tip before they clock I'm not a WAG!". Again, despite the beautifully applied make-up it's the hair that stops this being a sexually threatening scenario, although to be honest Maurice does come across as a very threatening and disturbed individual and if I was Victor I'd have security there at the double.

A more passive and aspirational WAG is to be found in an advert for Piri Piri Pot Noodles where Brian luxuriates in a fantasy world of lace, perfumes and personal pampering. Whereas Maurice is using his cross-dressing primarily to access Victor, Brian really does buy into the role. He's developed a soft voice, feminine  mannerisms and a coterie of genetic females who seem to accept him readily as one of their own. However you can't go too far with this sort of thing so he's been reined in with with a few comforting signifiers - his name (surely she'd be happier as Bryony?), his size (pleasingly plump but definitely not WAGishly thin) and his stubble (it's OK guys, she's not a 'trap', she's a comic creation!). Brian is unique in this group though for being an unashamedly 'romantic' fantasy figure, albeit one that probably only exists in Brian's own head. In contrast the Just Eat takeaway chefs are just down and dirty!

Doh! Doh and triple Doh!!

We've all got better things to do with our lives than actually cook food haven't we? Apart from revelling in the unique culinary charms of a Peri Peri Pot Noodle, the Just Eat chefs are on  mission to get us to do more interesting things like waking up next to a stunning blonde following a 'memorable' night on the town and a night of energetic jiggy-jiggy! Only that's no blonde, tht's one of my fellow workers in a wig and nightie. Now who feels slightly awkward...?

That's actually the second crossdressing escapade the chefs were involved in - one of their other adverts was far more upfront suggesting that a take away was the ideal solution when you are planning a weekend of crossdressing. The image of the chefs bumping, grinding and rubbing their stockinged thighs whilst declaring  "...we all know there's more interesting things to do with a weekend, don't we gents?" is a sight to behold and I can't think it did a great deal to persuade any women out there to rush for the pizza delivery number. Which might explain why I couldn't find a copy of it on Youtube either. Despite the beards and 'tashes maybe they stepped just a step too far over the line with that one...

Well this confuses things!

Some last inconsequential musings from me then. 

Firstly I wonder if Conchita Wurst winning the Eurovision song contest last year has affected these sort of ads much? There was a huge outcry from some when a bearded crossdresser won and part of me wonders whether it was the beard that offended. How could an obvious man look so good in a dress. Surely the beard had to go? Does not compute, does not compute!!!   So what with drag queens appropriting the beard maybe we're not so safe as we thought? Just having a cross-dresser sport a beard in the next big TV ad might not be enough to ensure that we all know it's just a gag and not something more sinister and unsettling.

Dave - getting the balance spot on in so many ways

Which then led me to wonder whether the 'phenomenal' recent MoneySupermarket advert was mindful of this when it was in it's planning stages? The cross-dressing here is reduced in scope to tight shorts, high heels and shaved legs. The female anatomy is caracatured as in drag, but here it's the bum rather than the boobs that get the padding. Our hero Dave is steely eyed, determined, clean-shaven and every inch the man from the waist up though. No slobbery an definitely no stubble - designer or otherwise - and any 'drag' element seemed to be unloaded onto the person of Sharon Osbourne who looks on admiringly. Our man can pout, preen, thrust out his groin and shake his bum like a hopeful pole-dancer, has already made numerous appearances on talk-shows and has a string of imitators all of which is something none of the others have ever achieved. 

Safe advertising cross-dressing seems to arrived and I wonder if Dave's padded orbs are the shape of the future?

"Each of the men dress in high heels and the video maker noted that some of them were walking 'too well'

  - Oh dear, maybe it's not all that safe out there after all!

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3022952/Friends-stag-wear-denim-hotpants-high-heels-recreate-twerking-Money-Supermarket-ad.html#ixzz3bQZbt9lY

Addendum:
I came across this lovely little ad the other day for Sloggi bras, a bra so comfortable you'd almost insist your man tries it on for size - but only if he's sufficiently inked, hipster and bearded enough of course!

I'm not so sure...it looks as though he's going to stretch it and then she wont look so smug...