Coping With The Female Gaze - The Bex Shoot

The first of my photographic shoots was with Bex, a photographer who favours using untouched film for her portraits. She has been published in on-line photographic and fashion magazines as well as mainstream media and her work is quite arresting and visual. For some reason I was reminded of Grant Wood's painting American Gothic  when looking through some of her images so maybe she has a similar outlook. 

IKEA bags stuffed with goodies. A cross-dressers
surreptitious suitcase

Bex had posted a message on a forum looking for middle aged cross-dressers for a project she was engaged with. It sounded interesting and in tune with my intention to be a bit more outgoing in the coming year and Bex had also given a bit more information in response to a query which pretty much summed the project up.

The book is about portraying older trans individuals in a positive light and empowering them, I feel there is a lot in the media currently about young and prepubescent trans individuals but not much about the older generation and what it means to just be trans. 

Each subject in the book will have 2 images and 2 pages of text to go with. One will be written by yourself and one by me.

I will not publish photos that you are unhappy with and we will work on a consent form together.

I will also hopefully be hosting an exhibition to coincide with the launch of the book. 

I am working to a time frame of hopefully 6 months to get everything together but it may take longer.

I also shoot on film so all my money goes into that. 

I dropped her an email to express interest and we subsequently met up for a coffee and chat in Bethnal Green where I guess she had to decide if I might fit in with her requirements for the book. It was actually quite interesting getting to chat about the whys and wherefores of cross-dressing with someone who presumably found it all a bit strange and (I suspect) a bit of an anathema. Interesting from my point of view of course - for Bex it was probably like putting up with someone describe their favourite holiday. OK for a few minutes, but a bit wearing over an hour or so (even if I only had a couple of photos to thrust under her nose). 

It wasn't all one way though and as Bex had her laptop with her I was also able to see some of the sessions with other cross-dressers that she had already completed. Very interesting it was too but it did throw up a slight issue, namely the locations used. Beth really was looking to capture cross-dressers at home and at work. This might be fine for some and would be fine for someone in the process of  transition but to be honest neither of those options were really possible in my case. However we decided to chew it over and I agreed to send her some photos of me in different styles of outfits to see what sort of look she was after.

This in Soho? Well not this obviously - far
too splendid - but this sort of thing

As part of my 'leaving everything to the photographer' attitude I was more than happy to leave the outfit choice up to Bex but this actually became an interesting point of contrast in the two shoots. Where Bex looked through loads of my old photographs on Flickr and suggested those outfits she thought looked interesting, Mo (the photographer involved in the second shoot) was happy to take pictures in whatever I happened to turn up in. It'll be interesting to see if this aspect of control had much outcome on the finished photos.

The issue of venue remained a sticking point though and in truth I began to wonder if Bex is really interested more in transgender than transvestite issues - after all I'm not sure that many transvestites would actually seek to go to work dressed - but after a bit more correspondence we decided to meet at Muse in Soho in order for Bex to photograph me out on the local streets - as close as I could be I suppose to Alexandra's 'spiritual' home, although certainly not her place of work!

After Bex made some choices with regard to clothes I had a few days to get things together.Packing about four different outfits with a couple of wigs and loads of different accessories was a bit of a chore and I just about staggered through the doorway with the equivalent of a small suitcase of stuff. Well more a large blue IKEA bag if I'm being honest and I then spent a goodly while getting ready in what I hoped would be a good starter outfit. When I finally emerged into the bar Bex hadn't actually arrived and in fact had been delayed at Oxford Street. When she did arrive she came with a very friendly assistant and loads of equipment and after a quick look at the outfits and a glass of white wine, decided that what I was wearing definitely wasn't  what she wanted! She had a look through the bag, made a few suggestions and off I dutifully went back to change.

When I re-emerged suitably attired and minus all my carefully thought-through finery, Bex decided that she'd like to start with a series of head and shoulder portraits down in the club itself so with the approval of the Muse manager (many thanks Tara) she sat me on a stool, set up some lights and then started taking photos. Here I fail a little as I hadn't a clue what she was doing. However lots of different bits of coloured film were put over portable, pop-up light reflect-ory things. There was much snapping and swapping of cameras, bemused looks from other customers and orders 'not to smile'!

This is the sort of sign that could be
confusing to pose by!

Having eventually done and dusted the head stuff, off I went to change into something a little more chi-chi (and looking not unlike an extra from Downton Abbey it has to be said) before we all went into the wilds of Soho to try to find some interesting backdrops. Of course think of Soho at night and you think of neon and the best bit of low level neon was up by Ed's Diner by a peep-show bar. Mmmmm nice!!

So that's where we set up and I spent the next half hour or so posing in the cool night of the evening in a 30s style dress by the neon sign of a peep show and providing an interesting spectacle for small groups of Asian tourists. They were no doubt confused as to the exact requirements for European lady boys as obviously build, looks and youth were not high on the list of 'must haves'. Also I suppose I was lucky that the bar owners didn't take exception to my presence under their 'Girls, Girls Girls' sign either. Then I was caught by a couple of other girls out for the evening and slightly amused to find the normally demure Alexandra draped over the doorway of a Soho sex venue. I tried to explain that it was art, but they weren't having any of it.  Anyway, the shoot carried on its merry way until Bex's batteries ran out, leading to a quick trip to a corner shop and a retreat to Muse for a drink and change of outfit. Or so we thought...

Being a bit of a quiet evening Muse had decided to call it a night and with no-where else to change or to leave my bags it sort of bought the curtain down on the evening. I had to stay to hurriedly change and remove my copious make-up before grabbing the tube home and Bex provided a very professional release form for me to sign my images away.

Was Bex happy with the shoot? I'm not sure and as she shoots on film, I'm not sure she would know until they were developed. I believe she is hoping that her book will come out in autumn and if I'm in it I'll be very pleased, will buy a copy and be very smug. Even if I don't make the cut (and as I'm not the most photogenic of individuals I'm prepared for the let-down) I'm still hoping for an invite to the launch party and maybe a copy or two of some of the better pictures!

So, all in all a fun evening, slightly chilly, lots of lighting set-ups, interesting outfit choices, reasonable amounts of wine along with some frustrations (delayed start, batteries, Muse closing early, not having yet seen the photos). Bex and her assistant are both young, enthusiastic and not averse to having a giggle so as an experience I'd give it seven out of ten and a thumbs up!