Coping With The Female Gaze - The Mo Shoot

"Two hours!! Two. F*****g. Hours."

I admit I've never been the quickest at changing, make-up, hair and all that malarkey but I hadn't realised that maybe I'd been taking quite so long. And although Mo seemed to be absorbed on her computer, tweaking an image here, replying to an email there, it seems I may have been slightly indulgent in the time allowed me. 

Oh dear. I think I'd been enjoying the luxury of stress-free dressing-space a little too much.

"Subtle and inconspicuous..."

It's been quite a while now since the actual event but it was only a couple of weeks back that we'd been discussing the shoot, with Mo mentioning how long she'd been waiting to actually get started. If her emphatic expression is anything to go by time has obviously not dulled her memory of the occasion.

So, to recap, this was my second photo-shoot and it took place not long after the first one with Bex but an altogether different affair. For a start I had already met and chatted with Mo several times before and I was aware of her body of work, not only photographing cross-dressers, but also Romanian workers in Britain and the homeless of Kings Cross among others. I enjoyed it too and Mo is one of life's inquisitive people, open and welcoming to everyone she comes across which must be a great boon both as a photographer and a human being. She'd mentioned that it might be interesting to do a session with me but,with a typical British reserve (though an un-typically tranny one), I'd hesitated and tried not to appear too eager until I was actually invited to her flat at Borough Market, next to Southwark Cathedral and London Bridge. 

Bex had chosen my outfit for her shoot but Mo was more than happy to photograph me in whatever outfit I arrived within so I decided to go all out vintage with a recently acquired dress (or two) from the Lindy Bop sale. The main dress was quite a colourful number with flared skirt and netting and I also had a backup that was more of a pencil dress sort of style, just in case something drastic happened to the first one. I'm not sure what that might have been but you can never be too careful..Of course this added layers of complexity as I also needed a multitude of accessories, make-up that was way beyond my skill levels and a wig made up into an appropriate vintage hair-style. Thinking about it all I'd say Mo was actually lucky to get away with two hours but finally, finally, I was 'ready for my close up Mr De Mille' and Mo could start clicking away.

"Sunlight, people, fresh air... yikes!"

Mo's flat has large windows that overlook the market and there's a lovely yellow sofa that is made for posing on so I was more than happy that the first session meant I could sit down and catch my breath. Or as much as I could in a corset anyway. Mo was experimenting with light levels, shade, silver discs, ring-flashes and other mysterious and arcane devices and I could sense I was as tense and lock-jawed as a parent letting their 'lively' son drive them on the dodgems for the first time. The camera may love some people but it has to work it's socks off to show me any affection and I started to feel sorry for Mo striving with intermittent clouds and a rigid mannequin for a subject.

But nevertheless the morning morphed into afternoon, as it tends to, and maybe I started to relax a bit. We had photos not only on the sofa, but on the stairs and in the corner of the room before Mo casually asked "Do you want to go outside for some pictures?"  Oooooh! Decision time... middle of the day, a busy market full of barrow boys, city types and tourists, dressed in vintage outfit with a dodgy hairstyle and uncertain make-up. To be honest I think quite a few women might have balked at the prospect but as this was the year of living interestingly I decided to go for it and before I had a chance to back out off we went.

Stepping through Mo's front-door into the street was... surreal. A bit like an out-of-body experience where the dress, shoes, gloves and hat-veil that I was aware of in the periphery of my vision actually belonged to someone else. I just happened to be in the cockpit, safely tucked away and quietly observing. Very much like the body hi-jack in "Being John Malkovic" in fact. Of course it helped a lot in that Mo was there with a camera so obviously that would lend a whole air of legitimacy to it, wouldn't it? Well of course it would. Obviously. Must be an art-house project. Or something.

"Quick change before I go!"

So, having squared everything up with my brain, off we went swanning around the market, pausing here and there for a few photos. Plonking myself  down on a table outside a cafe, leaning casually against a pillarbox, underneath the arches, up and down ancient stairs, you name it I posed there. Then of course there were the sudden and violent gusts of wind that are obviously tricky to deal with in petticoats and and swing dresses, so much so that whilst I was holding them all down the hat went bouncing off down the street with Mo in hot pursuit. I was slightly concerned to see that Mo was leading me into a local estate, presumable for something a bit more 'urban' and 'gritty' although it was actually to get a nice bit of The Shard in the background, but we emerged unscathed before heading back into Southwark Cathedral for a cup of coffee and a cake in the cafe. By now I was feeling rather blase about strolling around in my subtle and inconspicuous outfit and had relaxed enough to ask if Mo would take a few photos of me in my other dress, back at the flat. A quick change (really quick this time) and Mo obliged with another quick session in her front room.

So an interesting contrast to the session with Bex a few weeks before. Soho and Borough Market. My choice of outfit and an outfit selected for me. Two sites as opposed to wandering and selecting locations as the muse arose. I don't think either of the photographers were interested in 'pretty-ing up' the subject (me!) but I think both are intrigued at an attempt to gild masculinity, however unsuccessfully, with certain notions and cliche's around 'femininity'. I'm looking forward to one day seeing both bodies of work in an exhibition setting and maybe having the opportunity of talking to them with regard to what it is that intrigues them as they look down the viewfinder!

"Nothing that a nice pot of tea wont fix..."